Understanding
by Demon Vampire180
Summary: Renji told Ichigo how he really feels about him but Ichigo can't accept it as being true. So instead of leaving it be, Renji tries to force himself upon the one person he's ever truly loved. M/M yaoi... Sex maybe. Some language.
1. Confessions of the Confused

It was your average day. The sun was high in the sky and the street Ichigo lived on was completely deserted. Well, besides the one lone figure that stood outside his house. Now this one lone figure had bright red hair that was well beyond normal length for a guy and had been tied up with a matching red ribbon. He wore black clothes, like funeral attire, and wore grass shoes on his feet. That wasn't the oddest thing though. The oddest thing about this said man was the sword he wore at his side. There wasn't a man alive in the twenty-first century stupid enough to carry around a sword. Of course this mattered none to the man for no one but the person he'd come specifically to see could see him.

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Ichigo sat at the single desk in his room with a pencil in hand and a notebook in front of his nose. He'd been missing so much school lately because of all the hollows that were attacking that he was falling behind in school. Half of what his homework asked him to do, he blanked and couldn't finish it. Apparently his teachers were starting to become concerned about his grades and so now he was stuck attempting to do even more work he didn't understand over the weekend.

His brow was furrowed in idle concentration. If some sort of distraction, any kind, came along he would gladly take the distraction. Things were just too complicated. He'd ask for help on Monday. Sighing, he threw the pencil down and leaned back in his chair, covering his tired eyes with his arm. Ichigo sat like that for quite awhile. In fact he sat like that so long he'd nearly fallen asleep, and would have if not for the light knocking sound at his window. Pulling his arm away he squinted out the bright window, only to find it blocked by a shadow. A familiar shadow. And one that could only bring him further irritation.

Slowly he pushed away from his desk and went to unlock his window. "What do _you_ want?" He asked, growling slightly. The other man said nothing as he climbed through the tight window. Even when Ichigo repeated the question, he received no answer. This only caused him to grit his teeth and ramble off swear words in his head. When the silence became deafening Ichigo muttered, more to himself than Renji, "If you've got nothing to say, then leave me alone. I have work to do." The orange headed boy sat back at his desk and picked up his pencil again. But instead of doing his work, like he should have been doing, he found himself tapping the top with the tip of the pencil.

The red head stayed in the darkest corner of the room, observing. He _had_ come here for a purpose, if not to just bother the substitute shinigami. Even if the kid was busy he had to do it today, no matter what. Well, in _his_ mind it had to be done today. It wasn't that he was going off somewhere where he might be killed but he felt that if he didn't do it today he would explode. As he watched the younger boy tap the pencil against the desk he felt his stomach clench and all of his confidence leave him in one fell swoop. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Not today, not ever. So instead of doing what he'd planned to do, he sat silently in the corner, watching and observing.

Ichigo felt the eyes on his neck but chose to ignore them. If he had some purpose for being there he'd say so. Even if he was here just to bother him. Sighing he hunched over and laid his head on top of his hands. His head was pounding and the silence of the room was getting to him. It had been quiet for nearly two hours now. It had been quiet _before_ Renji had gotten there and his presence was only making the silence more taxing. Ichigo sighed again and lifted his head. His bed would be a lot more comfortable and he desperately needed a break anyways. Slowly he moved from his chair to the bed where he rolled from his side to his back. One arm came to rest over his eyes. A nap would be great. Of course he didn't realize how much of a temptation he was becoming.

Renji noticed of course. He felt his heart beat about twice as fast and he found it hard to keep his breathing steady. His throat suddenly felt parched and he could feel himself licking his lips more often than what one would call normal. Eyes scanned the long, muscular legs. Everything felt like it was going haywire. Renji could no longer think straight. His mind blanked on him and it felt as though the orange haired boys aura pulled him towards the bed. His feet moved of their own accord, even though he desperately wanted to stop. Suddenly, in a dream-like state, he was leaning over the pale boy, his lips only inches from Ichigos. Chocolate brown eyes opened to stare at him.

In a surprisingly calm voice the younger man asked, "Renji, what do you think you're doing? Get off." There was no indication that he planned to fling the redhead off of him or that he planned on screaming and yelling like a little school girl. His voice was completely neutral and for some reason it pissed Renji off. But it gave him a little confidence again. Things weren't going the way he planned but things didn't always go that way. Sometimes plans -things- needed to be improvised.

"Ichigo." His voice was low, but not threatening. More of a pleading kind of sound. "I've needed to tell you something for a long time but we were never at a good time or place for me to tell you."

"Renji you sound like a girl. Now get off." His voice was a little more demanding, and he began to sit up so that his back pressed against the wall behind him. The perfect position for Renji to attack.

Renji didn't reply right away. He had to take a deep breath before he could continue with what he was saying. "I like you, man. A lot. Not in the '_let's-be-good-friends_' kind of way either. After agonizing over it for awhile I realized that I like you in the way that means '_I'm-gonna-do-you_' kind of way. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Will you back off me if I say '_yes_'?" Sarcasm was heavy in Ichigo's voice and it was obvious that he thought Renji was joking, pulling his leg (and hard.) The redhead was all too aware of this. It only made him angrier for some reason. "Actually, just get off me. You're freaking me out."

"What if I say no?" Renji dared, inching a little closer.

Ichigo half snorted his reply. "Then I'll have to kick your ass."

"Let's just see you try." Was his curt reply.

"I'd rather not take your precious vice-captain seat from you." The cocky response made Renji growl deep from the back of his throat. _God he's pissing me off. Why did it have to be _him_ of all people?_

Renji took a deep breath and stared into Ichigo's eyes. Every inch of him felt serious which was, in his case, very unusual. "I'm not screwing with you Kurosaki. But you can think whatever the hell you want to." All he got in response was a half-assed shrug. So, with those confusing words hanging in the air, Renji pushed himself the last two inches forward, pressing his chapped lips against Ichigo's. At first there was no response. Of course there was the distinct feeling of shock in the air but it wasn't pressing. Then it slowly melted into bewilderment with a hint of irritation. Finally it became a shocked anger, with the feeling settling heavily over his head. Hands, warm, familiar hands, were shoved roughly into his chest, sending him backwards about a foot. He managed to catch himself on the end of the bed before he was flung like a rag doll against the wall.

When he looked up, a pair of shocked brown eyes bore into his like daggers. They screamed annoyance and wonder and hatred all at once. The feeling was overwhelming. Ichigo's arm had come up into a defensive position, covering his face. In a low, now threatening voice, he asked, "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, Renji?"

"What I've wanted to do for a long time. It just so happened that now was the perfect time to do it."

With a familiar edge to his voice Ichigo ordered, "Get out. I don't care what your damn reason is, or was, so get out."

"Fine. I'll get out but tell me this first, Kurosaki Ichigo. What is your reason for saying no? If you tell me it's just because I'm a guy I will seriously kill you. That ain't a reason. Least not a legit one."

Ichigo stared at him for a minute before lowering his arm and letting out a long sigh. "Renji. You're my friend. That's it. And that's all I could ever see you as. It's not like I'm against homosexuals or anything it's just not the way I choose to live my own life. If you want to be with me so badly, you're only going to end up hurting yourself." The words sounded foreign to Renji. It was a good, if not great, excuse. And best of all it was truthful. Why did he have to be such an honest bastard? Why couldn't he have just said it was because they were both guys? At least then he could've hit him, and could have been pissed at him. Now he found himself sighing, and backing away.

"Fine. I get it. Sorry for barging in." The apology sounded as fake as it felt and it pained Renji to jump out the window after being rejected in such an honest way. There had to be a way to get him to see it _his_ way. Right?

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A few slow weeks dragged by and Ichigo couldn't get the redhead out of his mind. There'd never been any issues with people being gay, at least not in his mind, so why was he so bothered over one damn kiss? Renji was pretty much his best friend and had been for quite awhile now. When he'd first gone to rescue Rukia he'd been the only one who had tried to help him as much as he could. Renji had always been there for Ichigo in his times of need (not that there were many.) So why couldn't he just pretend like nothing had happened? It wasn't like he'd felt his stomach flutter when he'd been kissed and it wasn't exactly like he wanted another kiss.

_God damn it, Renji. Why'd you have to go and do that? I'm even more lost in school now cause I can't concentrate! _He thought, staring outside the classroom window as his teacher continued to blabber on. The teachers had all but given up on him. Not that he was a delinquent. He was just gone too much for them to really care any more. Ichigo frowned and sighed. He'd heard sighing was sometimes good for people but the way he was sighing lately, he might just die from it. As he sighed though, a sudden flash of red caught his attention. _No fucking way. There is _no_ way he followed me to school. So damn persistent._ Standing he raised his hand and called, "Teacher, I'm not feeling well."

"Just leave Kurosaki-kun. Don't interrupt class." The teach muttered, turning back to the board.

Ichigo scowled. _Damn..._ "I'll be leaving then." He muttered quietly to himself, picking up his bag. As he moved towards the door he heard someone cough and he turned to look. Ishida was staring at him with a weird look in his eyes and the only way Ichigo knew to respond was to mouth _Renji_ to him before leaving. If the guy was that curious he could ask him questions later. He hurried down the halls and out the doors to the courtyard. None to his surprise, Renji stood leaning nonchalantly against the wall. Like he was the coolest thing to have ever walked Earth's ground. "What the hell do you want, Renji? Don't come following me to school like you're some kind of stray animal."

Renji smirked and _humph_ed. "I ain't just following you. I got orders from higher up to keep tabs on all of you: Ishida, Orihime, and Chad."

"Why the hell would we need to be kept an eye on? We're all teenagers here and we don't need no old geezer telling us what to do. And we definitely don't need him keeping eyes on us." Ichigo growled, throwing his bag on the ground and shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

"Don't get so moody, Ichigo. He's just being cautious. He's probably as old as the Earth itself. He always thinks something is wrong." It was Ichigo's turn to _humph_. "Anyways, since you're here, I figure that gives me a little bit of time. I think I'm gonna try persuading you again since you so damn stubborn."

"You're joking right? We're in the middle of a school courtyard."

"I never joke, Ichigo."

Hearing his name from Renji's lips made his heart leap a little. What the hell was going on with him? His eyes followed Renji's every movement, and his heart continued to beat faster and faster until he felt like he was going to explode. In an instant there was a firm grip around his wrists and his back was suddenly pressed against a warm, concrete wall. The hands that gripped his wrists pressed them firmly against the wall, making sure that there was no possible way for him to escape. Muscular legs circled his own, capturing him in an impossible embrace. There was an unfamiliar pressure in his pants and he found it.... Unpleasant? No. That wasn't it. There just weren't words in his vocabulary that he could use to describe it with. The redhead began to grind gently at first against him, sending a shock wave of shivers throughout his entire body. His own uncomfortableness came in contact with the other boys and it hurt but he found himself moaning slightly in pleasure. Soon though he found the older man grinding hider, faster. Now it really did hurt but his mind, and his mouth, wouldn't let him form the words to tell him to stop. Instead he heard himself making the most embarrassing sounds.

_God why can't I stop him? What kind of sound is this that I'm making? I don't like him in that way. I never have, I never will. He's a guy and so am I. And anyway, I like Orihime. A lot. If that's so, though, then why can't I get him off me? Why is my mind screaming at me to kiss the fucker already? _The questions spun his head in circles as his mind slowly slipped away. He felt nothing, heard nothing, but the pleasure encasing his body like a cocoon.

Now there was a soft, uneven, heat against his ear. It would come and go like a fan with a rotating head. One moment it would be there and then the next it would disappear, only to reappear again in less than a seconds time. Ichigo found himself lean into it slightly. Every part if his body moved before he could tell it to do otherwise. Lips connected with his ear and he took a sharp, deep breath. It wasn't expected and it set his brain on fire. The said lips sucked gently for only seconds before they began their way along his jaw, finally coming to rest softly on his own. It was.... Fantastic. Better than he remembered and better than he had expected. Had he really dreamt about the lips so often that his body couldn't stand it any more and he found himself liking it more? If so it was an unpleasant reaction.

Next, one of the said muscular legs moved to rest between his own, causing more of Renji's body to come in contact with his slowly growing erection. And things could've continued for awhile had Renji not gone too far and had Ichigo's brain not finally kicked back into motion.

Renji's hand had moved in a slow, downward position until it rested in Ichigo's crotch area. His fingers touched him lightly, moving lower and lower until they were '_massaging_' the base of his cock. Again it wasn't highly unpleasant, but his brain would've stayed off had he been enjoying it. When his limbs finally moved again when he told them too, he shoved Renji roughly away from him. There was no defensive position this time though. He simply stared with his mouth slightly open and an almost hurt look in his eyes.

"Why don't you get it Renji? I don't like you like that. I never have and never will. You're a guy and my best friend. I'm not gay. Even if you are I don't care but don't get me involved, you hear?" Ichigo's voice shook slightly as he spoke but he tried hard to keep it steady.

All Renji could do was stare at him. He thought his feelings had finally gotten through the boy's thick skull but apparently he'd been wrong. Very, very wrong. He found his voice just long enough to mutter, "Fine. I get it. Later Ichigo." With a shaky hand, he waved and stalked off, leaving a very confused boy behind. After that day, things were just going to get _weird. _Well, more weird than normal at least.

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Ichigo left the school grounds, long after everyone else did, just to make sure he didn't pass by the redhead. Things had just been too weird today. They'd gone too far. Hell, even a kiss was too far and yet Ichigo had let the older man do all those things to him like it'd been nothing. As though it'd been completely normal. What the hell was wrong with him? What was going on in his head? Even he didn't know.

The streets were quiet as he dragged himself home, putting one foot in front of the other, like it hurt to do so. When he arrived home he was nearly tackled by his youngest sister Yuzu. Her eyes screamed worry and fright that something had happened to him. He couldn't lie to her but he couldn't tell the truth either. So instead he did a mixture of both, telling her that something had happened at school that had made him tired. He told her that he was going to go up and sleep. She bought the lie and told him to get some rest. There were times he was thankful that his sisters weren't nosy.

Quickly he tore his shoes off before bounding up the stairs to his room. He hoped that some sleep would clear his head of any unwanted thoughts. Once inside his room, he flopped face first onto his bed and laid there, letting his eyes slide close until he finally fell into a fitful sleep. When he next woke, his alarm clock read 7:30 PM. He'd slept through dinner, but it didn't matter. He didn't feel at all hungry. Rolling onto his side, his mind flashed back to earlier that day. Of course the first thing it stopped at, his most recent memory, was Renji. He noticed that the more he thought about it, the more his stomach tingled. When he thought about kissing the almost perfect, pale lips his heart ached. It beat faster and skipped beats. His heart ached for Renji. It wanted the other man more than Ichigo could even begin to comprehend. But Ichigo threw the thoughts aside. He wasn't a girl and his heart's reactions were... Well, unexplainable. _I should just sleep more and forget about it. _He thought, flipping onto his back once more and closing his eyes to block out the fading sunset. But even though he tossed and turned and tossed some more he couldn't fall asleep again. His mind continued to wander back to Renji and the feeling he'd gotten when their bodies had messed together like two pieces of a puzzle. After nearly an hour of flipping around like a rag doll, and having his mind wander to places he didn't want it to go, he finally noticed something. His body was responding to something. _It can't be? Can it?_ Cautiously he reached down and touched the front of his pants. His fingers brushed over something not quite hard, but not quite soft either. He was becoming hard.... To thoughts of Renji?

As he sat puzzling it over, his erection became almost overwhelmingly painful. He had to do something about it and soon. But masturbating? Especially after thinking about his best friend? No way. Definitely not.

If only his body would respond respectfully. His body twinged in pain when his cock pulsated. It sent shivers throughout his body. Taking a breath he decided to do it, while trying to keep his sanity. In a way that looked like a video was in slow motion, he began to undo his pants, being careful not to come in contact too often with his throbbing pain. Next, when he'd pulled down both his boxers and pants just enough to let it out, he touched the tip gingerly, as though it were fragile. When he didn't lose his mind, he took it carefully in one hand and began to move it in an up and down motion. It felt weird at first but as the friction and heat grew between the two he found himself breathing a little quicker. And, as one could guess, his thoughts couldn't stray from Renji. He had tried thinking of Orihime with her great body, and large breasts, but quickly found that the image only lasted about twenty seconds before they slipped back to the tattooed body. As he continued, he pictured Renji doing this to him, doing it gently with the calloused hands that had seen much hardship, but just as much friendship. Vaguely he wondered if Renji had ever been in love before but the thought was jumbled amongst the other thoughts that got tossed aside by pleasure. Pleasure was one sassy bitch.

Finally Ichigo released. His breathing was abnormal, and much quicker than it should have been. His hand was covered by a white, slime-like substance that he wasn't used to. Hesitantly he brought his hand to his mouth, and out of pure curiosity, he licked one finger. It was regretted only seconds later. It was bitter and salty and definitely not something he'd ever want to taste again.

Of course doing that had made him sleepy. As he laid back in bed, and wrapped the covers around him, he wondered _Renji, why me? Of all the people in the world, why did it have to be me?_ He drifted into a fitful sleep with thoughts of Renji on his mind.


	2. By Chance Encounter

_**Yeah, so this kind of took off in it's own direction and I apologize, but I started writing it and realized it had a really great premise. What better way to make Ichigo love him, then saving him like a knight in shining armor? Anyway, I really hope you like the chapter, and I really do apologize that it's so much longer than the first one!**_

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_Months flew by and before Ichigo knew it, it was nearing the end of the school year. Things had gotten so crazy lately he'd hardly had time to think of anything but school. But, during those few idle moments to himself, his mind traced back to Renji and his encounters and experiences with him. They always left him feeling flushed and a little hard but not as painfully as the first time he'd masturbated. Other than that life was pretty normal. He saw less and less of Renji until he saw him maybe once a month, if that. And there was something else that Ichigo noticed mostly about himself. At first, when he started seeing less of Renji, he didn't really care one way or the other. But then the periods between them seeing each other grew longer and his heart would pinch and ache. Finally, when they saw each other once a month or less, his heart would ache and his body would respond to any thought of him. There was also the dirty little habit he picked up of touching himself once in awhile, mostly because of the absence of the older man's warmth. As time went on Ichigo realized one thing. He'd never hated it to begin with. The reason things were like this now was because he'd longed for it. Even when they'd get together, Renji wouldn't touch him except for the strong pat on the shoulder like they'd always done. It was like everything had gone back to the it used to be. And Ichigo hated it._

The final bell rang. Rising, Ichigo grabbed his bag and stalked out of the door, feeling dizzy for some reason. Maybe It was he'd been distracted by thoughts of Renji. That damn man just wouldn't get out of his head. All the time, Ichigo had to ask himself "why?" Before he had never had to ask himself that question. Life was black and white, things were right and wrong. There'd been no _gray area_. Until that stupid man came along and told him something silly like that. The dizziness in him grew as moved mechanically through the halls and down the stairs. By the time he reached the front door his body swayed as though he were drunk and stars spun in circles across his vision. Every part of him felt like jell-o. _What the hell _is_ this? It's not being caused by thoughts, that's for sure. God I feel like I'm going to collapse. But I can't. I'm not this weak. _Those thoughts forced him to move his feet a few more steps away from the frame of the door, which had been the only thing keeping him up. It had been a bad choice. As soon as he moved not three steps from the door, his knees buckled and he was falling. But instead feeling the painful rebound shock from hitting his knees on the ground, there was something thick hugging him around the waist. Well, not exactly hugging him, but close enough. In the back of his mind, through the pounding dizziness he heard someone shouting, "Oi, Ichigo. Ichigo what's wrong! Dude, say something?" Snidely he thought, _God just shut up who ever you are! _Then he thought, as he stomach lurched suddenly, S_hit, I'm going to throw up. What's wrong with me?! Just let me sleep already. I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of who ever this is. _Thankfully his prayer was answered. He slipped into unconsciousness, the light fading as his eyes closed.

He didn't know how much later it was when he next saw light. When his eyes opened, he was in a semi dark room, that felt familiar. Glancing around he noticed he was back at his house, but he wasn't in his room. The walls looked kind of white and there was a distinct smell of disinfectant in the air. It took him a minute but he finally realized he was in his family's clinic. As he became more awake he noticed that the dull ache he'd felt earlier was still there but it wasn't nearly as painful. The stars that had been swimming in his eyes had also disappeared, thankfully. After a moment he started to sit up but found that if he did his head started to pound like a hundred jack hammers again so he was forced to lie still. Angry -well irritated, really- he closed his eyes and rolled onto his side. He couldn't believe he'd been so weak in front of someone. He'd always had to be the strong one and he rarely got sick so what the hell was going on?

The door creaked open, intruding on his alone sulking time, and he was once more forced to open his eyes. The person who stepped into the room was the _last_ person he wanted to see at that time. His dad walked over to him and he glared, furrowing his brow deeply. "What do _you_ want?"

For the first time in awhile, Ichigo heard his dad sigh. There were unfamiliar worry lines etched deep into his dad's thick skin. He'd never seen them before and it confused him greatly. When his dad spoke, he sounded almost choked up. Like he was crying. But his dad never cried. Right? "Ichigo, calm down. I just came to check on you. When you were brought home unconscious I was seriously worried that someone had hurt you." Ichigo opened his mouth to protest but his dad shushed him. "I know, your _sisters_ know, you're strong and that you can defend yourself but we do worry."

"What a load of bull. Especially coming from you!" Ichigo muttered, trying to sit up again. Immediately he laid down again though as his head exploded like stars.

"You have to stay laying down, Ichigo, and that's an order. We don't really get what's going on but it's best you don't try sitting up for awhile."

"Whatever." Ichigo sighed, and curled his legs into his chest. After a moment of silence he asked out of the blue, "Hey dad, who brought me home?"

Isshin raised an eyebrow in a questioning glance. "You mean you don't know who did?"

"Na. I passed out as soon as I left the school. They grabbed me before I seriously did any damage. So who was it?" Ichigo rolled his chocolate brown eyes to the side so he could look his dad in the face. There was some obvious bewilderment going on inside his head. "What was their name?" He clarified, thinking that was what had confused his dad.

Coughing, his face turning pink slightly, Isshin replied, "Well the kid said that he was a.... Close friend... of yours. Said he'd known you for awhile and that he brought you here after seeing you suddenly collapse. I don't remember ever seeing him before and when I told him this he said that he'd never been to the house before. At least not through the front door."

Ichigo's eyes widened. _Who is this idiot? Saying something like that makes him sound like some kind of criminal! _"What did the guy look like?" He asked.

"Um..." His dad stopped to think. "Well he was really buff. He had really long, red hair and he was dressed kind of seventies style. Was a weird guy but... He seemed to be telling the truth."

_Renji...?! _"Yeah, whatever. That's not important right now!" Ichigo said hurriedly. "Is the guy still here?!"

"No." Isshin replied, shocked by Ichigo's sudden frenzy. "But he said he'll be back later to check on you. "Anyway, are you hungry? You've been asleep almost ten hours now."

"Ten hours?!" He almost shrieked.

There was another voice in the room now, one meeker than his fathers. "Nii-san, are you feeling alright?" Ichigo looked around his fathers massive figure to see his youngest sister Yuzu standing behind the door with her face peeking around it.

"Yuzu!" For some reason he felt relief to see her. Now he wouldn't have to say anything to his dad about his frenzy. "Don't worry. I'll be fine. It was just a headache, that's all." He beckoned her over to him and when she was close enough he reached out and put one of his hands on her head. She smiled her timid smile and that made Ichigo want to grin back. God he loved his sisters.

His father coughed. "Any who, do you want something to eat or not? We still have some left overs from dinner."

He paused but answered, "I'm fine. I'll eat tomorrow. Or whenever I next get up." He dropped his arm back onto the bed before snuggling back underneath the covers. Pretending to yawn he murmured, "Can you leave me alone for awhile? If I need something you'll hear me holler." All they did was nod before exiting his room. He watched their retreating figures and sighed. It'd been awhile since he had. Things were getting complicated again. Why had he gotten so excited when he heard Renji had brought him home? It was only natural. But what was Renji doing at the school in the first place? It wasn't like he attended there or anything. And the town wasn't his place to look over. The most interesting thing was that Ichigo had seen Renji not three weeks ago. This would be the second time in a month. The last time that happened had been.... Hell, he couldn't even remember now. That wasn't an excuse though, not really. They were both guys. They were best friends. And Ichigo couldn't get the damn redhead out of his mind. _Damn him, _he thought as a bout of drowsiness swallowed him. _Damn him for making my life too damn complicated. And damn him fo-_ the thought tapered off into nothingness as he was once again sucked into dreamland.

_His breathing was heavy and every inch of him felt hot. All around him lights buzzed, shining in his eyes and causing him to sweat even more. An unfamiliar weight pressed him into something soft. A bed he assumed. Glancing up he noticed that there was another human on top of him. That was what the weight was. But no matter how much he squinted, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pull the face out. The lights were blinding and hot and he was burning. Suddenly he was letting out an ear splitting scream. Something was shoved forcefully inside of him and it was painful. More painful than anything he'd felt before. Every inch of muscle inside him contracted, capturing the uninvited guest in a vice grip. But the person didn't seem to notice. Roughly he pulled out before once more thrusting himself inside. The boy howled out, and gripped the white sheets tightly in his shaking fists. What was happening and _why_ was it happening? He didn't understand. How could he? The sound of skin slapping against skin reached his ears as the thrusts became harder and more feverish. His pain had faded into a dull ache by now. All he felt was the heat and the forceful thing inside of him._

Ichigo woke with a start, his brown eyes flying open like unattended blinds. His heart was racing and he was sweating. As he glanced around the room he started to calm down and convinced himself that what he'd just seen had all been a dream. As to what the dream was trying to tell him was a mystery. He couldn't even be sure that it had been him in the dream. He'd seen the dream through the narrator's point of view, and not from the boys. It could easily have been someone else. Right?

From the corner of the room Ichigo heard a cough. Quickly his eyes flew to that corner, searching it for the source of sound. A flash of red crossed his vision. Not like blood. No. It was smoother and it didn't flow like blood. _Hair!_ Ichigo realized. "Renji!" He yelled, shocked.

"Keep yer voice down!" He demanded, moving closer, his massive arms crossed over his chest. "Ya don't need ta wake the whole damn neighborhood now do you?" Once he was about a foot from the bed he stopped moving and Ichigo stared at him, feeling an ache in his heart that he'd felt many times before, now. "How do you feel?"

Slowly, Ichigo attempted to sit up. He found that his head didn't pound any more, that it didn't hurt. Quietly, as he made himself comfortable in a sitting position, he replied, "Fine."

"So what the hell happened? You were just standin' in the doorway fer so long I got worried. And then you went and collapsed! You were acting pretty weak." Renji half joked, cocking one red eyebrow.

"Shut up." Ichigo muttered. "I don't know what happened. It just did."

Renji scoffed. "Well don't go losing to pain like that again. Yer supposed to be some "prodigy" for the substitute shinigami. Well, maybe not a prodigy but close enough."

"What the hell are you talking about? There aren't any other substitute's besides me. I'm not even supposed to be one in the first place. And "prodigy" my ass. A prodigy would never fall behind in classes just from missing school and would definitely not just randomly disappear for days at a time."

"Who said you were a school prodigy?" Renji asked, snickering.

Ichigo glared at him and folded his arms over his chest. "I'm better at school then you could ever be. You're no better than any of the other ditzes in the world."

"Hey now! How low of a blow are you going to give?"

"As low as a girl like you can take." Ichigo countered, only about one-fourth joking.

Renji was fuming now. "Me? A girl? What the hell are you talking about? I'm more man than you could ever take. I'm not the one who passes out over nothing."

Ichigo's eyebrows rose in mock-surprise. "Oh? Then I suppose you crying out to me to save Rukia was a manly thing for you to do?" Ichigo knew he was taking the (play) fight to an extremely dangerous line but he couldn't help it. All of his pent up energy -anger and all- were coming out before he could think.

Renji looked stunned and Ichigo felt his heart twinge. Maybe things had gone too far. _Should I apologize_? There was no need to thought it seemed. Renji just sighed and shook his head as he replied. "No. It wasn't manly. I guess I shouldn't harp on you about not being a man. You're more man than I could ever be."

The statement shocked Ichigo. Here he was thinking that Renji was completely pissed when he seemed to be the exact opposite. He managed to sputter, "W-what are you talking about? You're the one who was both stupid enough, and courageous enough, to tell some guy that you like him, and not in the _I-want-to-be-good-friends_ kind of way." He quoted Renji with almost pure perfection. If anything had stuck with him that night it had been that. Until then he'd never understood what it meant to really like someone. Especially not another guy. Even now he didn't understand but he was beginning to. He was beginning to understand the pain in his heart when Renji and he were apart too long. He understood the longing he felt and the jealousy he felt when Renji was with other people. Everything was just clicking into place. Like one, gigantic, unsolvable puzzle.

"That's not being a man, Ichigo. That's called being stupid." Renji muttered, blushing at his own stupid quote. _Of all the things I've ever said to him he had to remember that._ He thought, internally rolling his eyes.

"Tell me then Renji," Ichigo started, "what being a man _really_ means?"

"Well, I think being a man is being able to protect the one you love most without a second thought. It's being able to stand up to what you're afraid of and being able to take life in strides. It's being able to know when you've been bested and being able to admit you need to grow stronger. That kind of thing." Renji rattled them off one at a time, ticking them away on his fingers. Ichigo was watching and took note that the redhead was hardly aware when he was suddenly grabbed by the collar.

But he certainly noticed when Ichigo's soft, dry lips crashed against his own like a hungry beasts. Ichigo knew that Renji was shocked but he couldn't take it any more. The look of Renji's lips kept taunting him, telling him to do it already. The ache in his heart grew too painful when he thought about kissing them. Something was really wrong with him but he couldn't care less.

Hesitantly Ichigo opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out to run it over Renji's lip. Surprisingly they parted without any hint of rejecting him. Taking the hint, Ichigo pushed his tongue inside, completely aware that his brain still told him this was wrong, wrong, and wrong! After a minute or so they had to pull apart and Ichigo was actually disappointed. Renji's mouth had been so warm and welcoming, he didn't want to lose it. So, as soon as the older man had made himself more comfortable, he dove back in, capturing Renji around the neck and dragging him down until his own back touched the bed, and Renji's body lay on top of his. It was a good thing the redhead had moved so he sat in a basic straddle style over the orange haired boys legs.

As they kissed, Renji found it impossible to keep his hands to himself and so did Ichigo. The next time their lips parted, Ichigo told him, "You won't know how far you can go until you try." Although the quote wasn't at all sexual, Ichigo knew that Renji would figure it out. The quote was both true in war _and_ love. Even Ichigo didn't know how far they could go. They'd done this all before, and they'd done it in public.

Not even acknowledging he'd heard, Renji's hand moved to Ichigo's firm, muscled side. His hands slid underneath and began to glide over the skin, not quite touching it, but getting close enough to form goosebumps. His other hand rose further up to touch the chiseled, guyish face. It wasn't feminine at all he noted, but there was just something about it that was irresistible. Perhaps it was the always slightly parted lips or the perfectly fitting nose. Maybe it was the way his eyes were always calm not matter the situation. Whatever it was, Renji had fallen for it, and he'd fallen pretty damn hard.

The hand on his face moved to touch Ichigo's lips, and then slid across his cheek to his ear, and from there down to his collar bone. The touch made his body shiver. It wasn't really sexual but there was something lusty about it. It was obvious that Renji wanted to go all the way but was afraid to risk everything. Tonight could be the night Ichigo lost himself to someone or he might run away again. Ichigo knew that they could only go so far before his mind awakened again. _Just let this last a little while longer._ He thought, opening his eyes to stare at Renji. The man was as beautiful as a man could come. (Besides Yumichika who was just feminine to begin with. It was almost too obvious he'd been born in the wrong body. Oh, and maybe not as beautiful as Byakuya but that's just cause he was snooty.) Ichigo found himself wanting to touch Renji's body. So he reached up and took Renji by the waist, grasping him firmly. He felt a ripple go through his body at the touch.

"What are you doing?" Renji asked, making a slow trail down Ichigo's side with his free hand.

Blushing slightly Ichigo replied, "I just felt that I...." He stopped.

"That you what?" Renji's hand had trailed past his hip and had curved slightly so that it rested on his butt cheek. His thumb was making tiny, circular motions and Ichigo heard himself moan so quietly that only he could hear it. It was such a simple gesture but it made him react so.... Unusually.

"That I.... Wanted to touch you." He muttered, now full out blushing.

Renji gave a knowing smile. "Why didn't you just say so, you moron?" He backed away, releasing Ichigo, just long enough to pull his confining shirt over his head. Without a moments hesitation he threw it aside. "Better?" He asked and the younger boy nodded, staring at the tantalizing tattoo's that sported Renji's body. They were so beautiful but they seemed to have reasons behind them. Reasons Ichigo could never even begin to comprehend.

_I don't know him well enough yet. I won't ever know him well enough. _He thought bitterly, reaching up to brush his hand along the tough skin. Yet another surprise. The skin under his fingers was fairly soft and it was warm. Extremely warm. "Is your skin always so warm."

"No. It's just because you're burning me up."

Ichigo couldn't help but laugh.

"What?"

Snickering Ichigo replied, "You crack me up."

Renji leaned over him again, getting just close enough so that their noses touched. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a funny guy, that's all." The sarcasm made Renji laugh. He couldn't laugh long though for he was pulled down into another passionate kiss that stopped him mid-chuckle. Ichigo's hands caressed the toned body with perfection, checking every inch of it. Well, maybe not _every_ inch. He hesitated when his hand ventured south of Renji's belt. That was too far. Actually, all of this was _too far_ but he couldn't stop. With Renji's lips crushing against his he mind melted and he couldn't think straight. Even when it was Renji's hand that ventured south of _his_ belt.

At first it was just resting on his thigh but it didn't sit still long. Soon it was on the move, closing in on his crotch and the erection that had started to grow. The calloused thumb, although he couldn't feel it through his pants, made circular motions on his inner thigh, getting closer and closer with every passing second. Soon it was no longer on his leg at all. The hand had made it to his crotch area. The warmth permeated through his jeans and reached his _almost_ throbbing cock. Still he couldn't stop it. Even though he knew it shouldn't continue he couldn't help it. Finally his dream was becoming reality. After dreaming about it every night for so long it was happening and he wanted it. He wanted it _bad_.

There was a voice in his thoughts now. "You're not going to stop me?" It asked. The voice was warm, smooth. Ichigo shook his head for he could not find the voice to tell him to stop. So it continued. The strong hand stroked him slowly through the denim and through the fabric of strawberry boxers. All Ichigo could do was close his eyes and arch his body softly into the touch. It was sensational. Every last bit of it. And the dream could have lasted. It could've gone on forever but dreams never last. People have to wake up from dreams and face reality at some point. And Ichigo was rudely awakened. He should've known that the man would get bored of touching him through the fabric. He should've known that Renji was ready to go all the way but of course he was as dense as always.

Even as he heard the zipper of his jeans being undone he couldn't say no. Even as he felt the fabric of his jeans and boxers come off over his ass, and even as he felt the sudden breeze over his lower half he couldn't say no. No. It took Renji reaching out and touching him with that same calloused hand that had been touching him before to make him wake up. Even though Ichigo had dreamed about it happening, he couldn't take it. There was no way he could lose something so precious to a man. Not to Renji or any other guy that came along. They were men and they shouldn't have been doing what they'd been doing in the first place.

And Ichigo let Renji know this. As carefully as he could he pushed Renji away from him, sending him toppling slightly. Ichigo noticed that his eyes were moist. He was crying even though he'd agreed to it, and even though he'd been the one to push Renji away. Quietly he ordered, "Renji, get out. Please, just get out. That's as far as you could go, Renji. I'm sorry but it's just not going to work. It's not. It..... It can't." There was no reply. Ichigo watched as the older man crawled off the bed and glided over to pick his discarded shirt up off the floor. "Renji I'm sorry. Really I am."

"Quit actin' like a girl. You can't like what you can't like and I ain't gonna be the one to force you. Later Ichigo." He waved halfheartedly as he headed out the door, slipping on his shirt as he went. The room grew quiet and only then did Ichigo notice how hot he'd gotten. His body was sweating and his breathing was quick and short. Even only he could've stayed in the dream.. Even only the logical side of him would butt out. Maybe then he wouldn't have to hurt that man like he continued to do. Rejecting him two different times, each time going further than the last time. How many times would it take before Ichigo wouldn't reject him any more? How more times before he stopped hurting him?

Luckily for Ichigo he didn't realize that his father had been outside the door, listening the entire time. He was lucky that he didn't know what Renji had really told his dad when he'd been brought home.

_Renji kicked the door softly with the toe of his shoe. Ichigo lay limp in his arms, his breathing heavy and staggered. His body temperature was way above normal and he was sweating. It was freaking him out. When there was no reply after two minutes, he kicked the door harder this time. When no one answered, and right when he was about to kick the door again, it swung open and Ichigo's father stood looming in the doorway._

_Gruffly he asked, not noticing his son in the mans arms, "What do you need?"_

"_Kurosaki Isshin I assume?"_

"_Yeah, what about it."_

"_I've come to deliver a precious package to you." Renji held out Ichigo as steadily as possible. It hurt to see the accusing look in the guys eyes when he saw his boy. It was obvious that he thought Renji had purposefully down something to him._

"_What the hell have you done?!" He roared, nearly ripping Ichigo away. "Son, son. Wake up! It's Daddy! Come on Ichigo, wake up!" His voice was rising higher and higher. There was panic in his voice and it tore Renji apart. What the hell could he say after being accused by someone so sure?_

"_Kurosaki-san, he was passed out in the doorway of the school. I picked him up and brought him here because I knew this was a clinic." Renji told him, hoping that he'd be believed. He hated when people thought he was lying. Especially when he was telling the absolute truth._

_There was doubt in the mans eyes but he said nothing but, "Whatever. Hurry inside." With inhuman speed Isshin moved from the front hallway to the clinics' infirmary type thing. Once there he laid Ichigo out on a bed before sticking thermometer in his mouth. He was antsy as he waited for the beep. As soon as it stopped the man tore it out of Ichigo's mouth, nearly fainting when he saw his son's temperature. It was over 103.0 degrees. Immediately he began fumbling around the room for various things: something that would lower his temp, a cold, wet rag, a basin, etc._

_Renji followed calmly, closing the front door behind him. By the time he reached the room, Isshin had already gotten Ichigo settled in the bed. The man didn't turn or say anything until Renji was right next to him. Before he could speak though he was asked, "Kid, what are you to my son? I've never met you or seen you before but suddenly here you are, carrying my kid like a rag doll while he's got such an insane fever. And he's unconscious to boot!"_

"_I'm his boyfriend." Renji answered honestly._

"_His boyfriend? Are you _nuts_?" Isshin paused for a minute before continuing. "It's like you're accusing _my_ son of being gay. There's no possible way for him. Quit while you're ahead and quit deluding yourself."_

"_I can assure you I'm sane. There'd be no reason for me to lie. Whether or not you want to believe me is up to you. Have you ever noticed changes in your sons actions? There are days where he comes home completely flustered and out of focus. He goes to his room and pretends to sleep away his problems while all he's doing is making things worse. There are days where he comes home a perfectly happy, perfectly normal teenager. He eats with his family and then goes to do homework. The days that he comes home so confused are the days he can't get the person he cares most about out of his mind." Renji took a breath. "He's never told you about me because he thought it mattered. He's always just thought of me as his best friend. Until now. Not now now, but a few months ago now."_

_Isshin had a look of shock on his face. He stared at Renji and that at his sons face. There was no way he was gay. It just wasn't possible. "Prove it to me. When he wakes up, prove it to me that you mean as much to him as you say you do."_

"_Fine. I'll be taking my leave for now then. I have my own job to do." Renji strutted out of the house, thinking of the moment he'd get to be with Ichigo alone._

Isshin now understood. Ichigo cared for the man more than he'd ever cared about anyone before. (Besides his family and that one young lady. Rukia or whatever her name was.) After about five minutes of crouching by the door, he stood and straightened his white coat before entering the room. Ichigo was curled on his side facing opposite him.

He didn't look up as his dad approached, even though he knew the man was there. He didn't want to talk. Especially not to the person who couldn't mind his own damn business. His dad always thought that Ichigo didn't know but he did. Always. Nothing could escape him.

"Ichigo can I talk to you?"

"Talk away," he muttered, pulling the soft blanket tighter around him. He'd pulled it over himself after Renji had left. He had hoped to hide from the world forever. But that was just another dream among dreams.

Sighing, Isshin sat at the foot of the bed, and for the first time, placed a comforting hand on Ichigo's ankle. He'd never done that before, even when the Ichigo had been small. He had always just tried to jump kick him. Ichigo was surprised but didn't pull away. The could do whatever the hell he wanted. "I know what's wrong with you."

"Any person could figure out what's wrong with me." He noted bitterly, bringing the blanket up until it was over his nose.

"No. I don't think so. Ichigo, besides being over worked and over stressed you're.... Well... To put it in simple terms, you're love sick. Completely love sick and completely head over heels for someone. You can't come to terms with it though which is only leading to more stress for you. I hate to say it but you need to decide. Is this person really worth all the worry you're putting towards h-" he stopped himself. "Towards them?"

Ichigo sat up straight in one flowing movement, his eyes wide. Turning to his dad he asked, "What do you mean, dad?"

"I'm saying that you need to decide if you love him. Is he worth all the pain and the hatred and the longing? I'm not telling you to take it all the way as you're only fifteen but think about it. He's just going to be one among many."

Even though Ichigo knew his father had been spying he felt a tingling his stomach when his father had said "he" rather than "she". It meant that somehow, his father had already accepted him as his "gay" son. His dad accepted him so why would he still hesitate? What was there to worry about.

A silence fell over the room as Ichigo thought long and hard about it. He thought about all his options, and about all the things that could happen. Of all the things that could go wrong but at the same time, all the things that could go right. He thought about all the opportunities he'd miss once he accepted being in a gay relationship with his best friend. But most of all he thought about all the things he'd do with the person that said they loved him most. Even though it was only a short period of time, Ichigo decided. "Yeah dad. It's worth every last horrible feeling that I'll get. Because for every bad feeling I have, there's a million more good feelings that will overcome it."

"Then I wish you the best of luck, Ichigo. That redhead... Don't let him be too bad of an influence on you."

"Shut up, dad."

Ichigo saw Isshin smile for the first time in awhile, and he was almost disappointed when the man stood up and patted him twice on the leg. "You shouldn't be so nasty to your elders."

"And you shouldn't eavesdrop on your fifteen year old son." Ichigo laughed when he saw his father turn red and stalk away with his shoulder hunched in embarrassment. Before becoming comfortable again Ichigo thought, _thank you dad. And Renji, next time I see you, I swear it'll be the last time I'll ever hurt you. I love you Renji, and I wish I would've noticed sooner before it might be too late._

_-------_

_**Please wait in idle anticipation for the third and final installment of this thrilling, heart throbbing story! Just kidding. But do please come back. :D**_


	3. Prepared

Ichigo woke the next morning completely awake. He'd slept so much the day before that his body could no longer sleep, even though it was only seven in the morning. Slowly he sat up, stretching out all his stiff muscles. As soon as he was done his thoughts ventured back to the night before. His face lit up when he thought about what he'd told his dad. _I can't believe I'm really accepting this. Until Renji came along and said something like that I'd never even _thought_ about guys in that way. They'd always just been a daily part of life. Hell, I'm a guy! It'll forever be _his_ fault. _Frowning he said out loud, "It's always someone else's fault. Always. Anyway, I don't think anyone else is up yet. What should I do until then?" He glanced around the room and sighed. His stomach was growling. It'd been nearly sixteen hours since he'd last eaten. "I suppose I can make breakfast this morning after keeping everyone up so late last night." He threw the covers back and slid off the bed, shivering as his feet met the cold tile floor. After letting his feet adjust he threw on the clothes that had been hastily discarded yesterday and shuffled slowly towards the door, yawning. _How in the world can I yawn after sleeping so much?_ He thought bitterly. As he was closing the door a familiar, breakfasty, smell, wafted through the hallway. Someone was already up and preparing for the day to come.

As he got closer to the kitchen he heard the timid voice of his younger twin sister Yuzu. Of course she'd be up. She took such good care of anyone else without thinking of herself once in awhile. As he reached the entrance, he muttered, "Good morning." The younger girl looked up at him and grinned. Ichigo noticed the small black rings that had formed under her eyes from just one sleepless night full of worrying and wonderment. How many nights did she stay up wondering when he just suddenly disappeared for long periods of time?

"Good morning nii-chan. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah but I wish I could say the same for you." Ichigo strutted over to her and ruffled her hair before taking the pan's handle from her. "You go lay down or something. I'll make breakfast this morning." She stared at him with blank eyes for a second before they started to fill with tears. Surprised, Ichigo nearly dropped the pan. "Y-Yuzu? What's wrong? I'm sorry! You can make breakfast if you'd like."

Then she started to giggle, a childish, innocent giggle. "No onii-san. It's not that. I'm just grateful."

"For what?"

"T-that you're okay." She looked up at him with teary eyes and a sad smile but he knew she was alright. Even though it didn't seem like it he knew.

"Then don't cry silly. Crying should be left for times when you're sad, and not when you're happy. You'll confuse people." Ichigo joked, wrapping his little sister in a one armed bear hug. "Now go lay down."

"Mm! Just don't burn anything!" She giggled and danced away, feeling lighter. Ichigo watched her go and shook his head. He was smart enough to make breakfast. Though he did end up surprising himself at how well things turned out. He usually ended up burning something or setting something on fire. Apparently, because of his happy mood, things had turned out perfect. It was unusual, but welcomed.

He called everyone to breakfast and for once their meal was peaceful. There were no vengeful ghosts looking for his help and there were no kicks to the face to inflict bodily pain. It was enjoyable. As they were finishing up Ichigo asked cheerfully, "Hey dad. Has Renji stopped by since last night?"

"Can't say he has. Though as he left last night he told me there was some business he had to finish up and that he'd be leaving this morning." Isshin replied, shoveling bowl after bowl of rice into his mouth. "Why?"

Ichigo felt his cheerful mood dampen slightly. He'd been so excited, too, and he never got excited. "Oh. It's nothing." Isshin seemed to understand for once.

"Don't worry about cleaning up. Go on now." He ordered, setting his bowl and chopsticks down. Ichigo fidgeted in in seat for a moment before he could take it no longer. He called thanks to his dad before dashing out the door. About twenty feet from the house he discarded his physical body, making sure to leave it where no one would find it. (Yes it was some place clean.) He'd get to Renji faster this way.

Ichigo took the path to Renji's house that, over the last year or so, had become oh too familiar. Ichigo got there just as Renji was locking his front door. "Renji!" He cried, feeling almost out of breath. "Please wait!" The redhead looked up at him.

"What is it, Ichigo? I have work to do." His voice was cold and almost monotone. He'd been hurt worse than Ichigo had initially thought. But that wasn't going to stop him.

"Well... About last night..." Ichigo said, becoming unusually bashful. "I wanted to... Um... Apologize I guess... For what I said." He stared at Renji with compassionate eyes and eyes that he knew screamed longing. But the redhead was just as dense as he was.

Renji snorted. "What's there to apologize for? You really can't like what you can't like and that's life. I ain't gonna force you into nothin' you don't want to do. I'd be scum if I did."

"But Renji!" Ichigo became suddenly forceful. His eyes narrowed as he continued. "That's just it. I realized last night that I can't live without you. I sound like a fucking girl but I don't give a damn right now. You're the only person in this world that I want. Even if Orihime has a great body and great personality I don't want her. Even if Rukia is slim and passionate I don't want her. All I want is you. You helped me realize this side of myself. Even though I don't like it, you made me realize it and accept it." His breathing had steadily grown faster until he felt like he couldn't breathe. And for some reason he felt his eyes tearing up. Why did this man do this to him, even though he did it without knowing? "Renji, I _need_ you."

Renji was staring at him in shock. His face was a flurry of many emotions and Ichigo couldn't read them. What if his confession had been for naught? His fear seemed confirmed when the man replied bluntly, "Dude, it's a bit late. I've been rejected by you three times and each time we'd gone further the last. You don't think that hurts? It hurts worse than those bloody cuts you gave me when we first fought for real. How am I supposed to know that you're not going to do it again?"

The rejection stung. Now Ichigo understood how the man had felt. But there was one thing he knew he could do that could at least partially confirm his love and infatuation with the shinigami. In one swift movement his sword had been cast aside and he was lunging at Renji. He caught the boy off guard around the neck and Ichigo's lips came in contact with Renji's. It was obvious that his reaction wasn't what Renji had been anticipating but it was also clear he didn't seem to mind all that much. In fact, after about ten painfully slow seconds, a pair of steel like arms were wrapped around his waist. Ichigo felt himself relax as he pulled himself closer and deeper into the kiss.

Their tongues met in feverish war as Ichigo's lips parted to allow the other to venture inside. Renji pulled them closer together and Ichigo relished in the feeling. He wanted more. So much more. And for once the redhead wasn't as dense as he seemed to be. "Ichigo, I look weird kissing thin air." He muttered when they parted. "Maybe we should you know... Go inside." The chapped lips began to kiss along the sensitive part of Ichigo's neck and he couldn't help but to arch his neck a little. He certainly knew how to do things.

"You look weird _without_ kissing thin air_." _Was his curt, but gentle, reply. "But we might as well go inside." They untangled themselves and Renji unlocked the door before grabbing Ichigo by the wrist and tugging him gently towards the bedroom. Before they'd slipped inside Ichigo managed to nab his sword. He couldn't be _too_ careless. Zangetsu would give him hell later if he forgot the most important thing for a shinigami to have, substitute or not.

They reached the bedroom shortly and Renji barely had time to shut the door behind them before Ichigo found himself clambering over the older man again, wrapping his arms around his neck so tightly he thought he was suffocating. Ichigo began his feverish attack of kisses again, pressing his lips so fiercely against Renji's he thought they were going to bleed. But he didn't care. This feeling was just too much for him to ignore. A passion burned inside of him, one even hotter than the one he got for saving people. It was like a little flame that just got hotter and hotter as their breathing grew faster and faster.

"Whoa dude slow up!" Renji muttered, grabbing his new boyfriend tightly around the waist. "I'm not going any where any time soon."

Ichigo's chocolate brown eyes bore into Renji's accusingly. "Not five seconds ago you were trying to leave me and this life behind. You'd even locked your door and told me I'd said no too many times. It ain't like you to like, moron."

Renji shrugged. Leaning in he breathed gently against Ichigo's neck. "So even a guy like me lies. Shoot me."

"Would love to if I had a gun."

"Ha ha very funny." He muttered, taking Ichigo's firms waist in his hands. In seconds Ichigo found himself lying on his back with Renji lying on top of him. His red hair, that had somehow come undone, fanned out around Ichigos body and he couldn't help but shiver at the silky feeling of it. He knew that saying it was cliché but he couldn't help it. Such was life. Renji was now tugging at his shirt, attempting to pull it over him without him moving. After a few insistent seconds he finally collapsed. "Will you sit up for a sec? I gotta get this damn shirt off ya somehow." Reluctantly he sat up on his elbows just enough to have his shirt pulled up and over his head but not completely off his body. This seemed to irritate Renji. "If you ain't gonna let me take it off of you I'm gonna fuck you like you are and this time I ain't gonna stop."

Ichigo grinned his familiar devilish grin as he replied sharply, "I dare you to." He was happy with the reaction. Before he himself could react, though, he was forced back onto the bed and his arms were being restrained above his head, almost exactly like the second time Ichigo had been tricked into it. It was slightly different this time, though. For one, Ichigo wanted this more badly than he'd ever wanted anything before in his life. Renji's lips crashed heavily down on his, so hard it hurt.

Slowly the heaviness of the kiss backed off until it was slow; gentle. It was kind of like an unsure first kiss between a little boy and his crush. Or between two teens who were just _experimenting _for the thrill of it. The calloused hand that wasn't holding him down, Ichigo noticed, caressed his body, focusing mostly on his abdomen and thighs. When the rough of Renji's skin met the smooth of his own, the orange headed boy couldn't help but shiver. It was an odd sensation. A few brief seconds, when there was no contact but that of hands against wrists, his mind wandered to Orihime and Rukia. Was their skin smooth and silky or was it rough and worn down? The thoughts didn't last for more than a few brief milliseconds. His mind was much too preoccupied to really give a damn.

The warmth of the older mans touch warmed Ichigo. He felt his body temperature rising every minute their skin was in contact. It all seemed so dream like though. Surreal or something of the sort. His train of thought was broken when Renji's gruff voice sliced through it. "Ichigo, why are yer eyes closed? You ain't scared are ya? Ya can fight off beasts one hundred times your size yet you can't open your eyes during sex?"

Ichigo's eyes popped open to find Renji only an inch from his face. He'd not ever realized that his lips were not being crushed any more and that his world had gone black because of his closed eyes. It was crazy. He wasn't scared, or worried. In fact he was ecstatic. This was the best thing that had happened in awhile. _Damn what's wrong with me? _He thought, frowning slightly. _I ain't a girl and this isn't exactly the first consensual time I've done this with him._

"Shut up. I ain't scared, ya asshole." He muttered, reaching up to grab the shorter hairs at the nape of Renji's neck. He yanked down once sharply and received a satisfying yelp of acknowledgment. "Now just focus on what yer doin' rather than focusing on the little details." With that same hand Ichigo pulled down, more gently this time, on his neck to kiss the pale lips that awaited him. It wouldn't take too long to get used to this. It was actually very pleasant. He didn't even have to think of Renji as a girl to enjoy it. Maybe he really was gay. He'd accepted it already but he had still been trying to talk himself out of it in his dreams.

Renji's hand had let go of Ichigo's wrists and were twitching their way down his body, stopping at the button to Ichigo's jeans. It was obvious to both that he hesitated. Through their locked lips Ichigo told him, "Go ahead. I'm not going to stop you this time. Since when did you start hesitating in anything you did?" There was a brief pause, but no response, before there was a slight tug at his waist as the button came undone. The air stilled around them and the only sound was that of their breathing and the sound of his zipper as it was pulled ever so carefully down.

"Are you one hundred percent sure about this, Ichigo? Once it's done you can't ever go back. This is one mistake you can make but can never undo."

"If this is a mistake than I'll accept the punishment."

That was all the confirmation that Renji required. He reached down and took Ichigo in his hand. There was a loud gasp of surprise at the sudden contact but no sign of rejecting. This only made Renji take another risk. Slowly he began to slide his hand along the slightly hard shaft but when there was no protest he began to move it faster.

Ichigo moaned beneath him, arching into the calloused touch. _God this feels good! What the hell was I so scared about?!_ The friction grew between them and he could hardly take it. It was so hot. Everything around him blurred as the sweat poured into his eyes. The heat continued to grow until Ichigo could hardly stand it. It was probably too early, as it was their first time, but he couldn't take it. "R-Renji. Renji. Renji!"

"What?"

"Do it!" He moaned, arching high.

"Do what?" He asked, taunting him slightly.

Ichigo couldn't respond as Renji's lips touched his, much too hard to speak through. This continued for a minute before Ichigo tore away from him and yelled, "Get inside me God dammit!" The man on top of him smirked.

"Are you sure? I haven't done anything to prepare you yet."

"Ugh." Ichigo groaned. "Do what you have to do I don't care!"

"Alright. Fine." The pressure on his cock was released and he could open his eyes just enough to see Renji reach over to a side table and pull open a little drawer. From inside it he pulled out a small, plastic package that Ichigo could only assume was a condom and a tube of a liquidy substance. Ichigo watched as Renji ripped open the package and took out the clear piece of whatever condoms are made of. His eyes followed the path of Renji's hand as he moved to undo his own jeans. Ichigo stopped him though.

"Let me do it." It was an order, he realized. It wasn't a pleading question it was an order.

"Suit yourself."

Ichigo sat up and pushed Renji back off hi a little. He then proceeded to reach out and take Renji's jeans in his hand. This time he did hesitate. Could he really go through with it? _Yes God dammit! Stop second-guessing yourself! _With resolve he did it. He quickly undid the button and pulled the zipper down. When he was done with that he took the waistband of the jeans in both hands and yanked hard to reveal the throbbing present that awaited him.

"Surprised?"

Dumbfounded, Ichigo nodded, his jaw hanging. He was _huge_.

"Good." Showing his toothy grin, Renji placed the condom over his waiting member, throwing the packaging to the side. Ichigo watched as he opened the bottle and poured some of the liquid onto his hands before lathering his fingers in it. "Yer gonna have to take those off you know. I can't do you with your jeans on, as funny as it would be."

Surprised, Ichigo pulled himself out of his jeans and through them to the side. He was now completely naked in front of this man. And surprisingly he wasn't embarrassed. "You've done this before right?"

"Nope. Turn around."

Ichigo obliged even though every part of him screamed not to. He somehow knew it was going to hurt and that there was no way around it. There was a pressure on his backside as Renji poked around to find the right _'hole'_. It was awkward and Ichigo was blushing. Finally there was a constant pressure in a certain part of him. Every muscle in him tensed. He could feel Renji's finger inside of him, pushing further and further in. He didn't scream though. He bit his bottom lip tightly.

"That's one, Ichigo. And here's another." Another finger slid inside him, pressing just as far as the first one had. They began to move in and out in a rhythmical way. Slow out, fast in, slow out, fast in. The speed grew steadily faster. Finally he let out an ear piercing scream. It felt like he was being ripped in half. But Renji didn't stop. The pace increased and soon Ichigo was swimming in his own desires. His moans penetrated the walls almost as well as Renji was penetrating him. And it ended all too soon. Ichigo whined quietly as the thickness of Renji's fingers left him. "Don't worry your pretty little face. I ain't done yet." Renji took the bottle of lube again and one more placed some in his palm. The amount was a lot more than before though. Inside of lathering his fingers, Ichigo noticed, he began to lather his own, getting it as slick as possible.

Soon Ichigo felt the same pressure again except it was in one spot this time. "Let's do this." Renji pushed inside him slowly, wincing at the tightness of the hole. Ichigo wreathed underneath him with his eyes closed, trying to block out the pain. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would but that was probably because he'd been in a lot more physical pain than this before. His body was trying to reject Renji and wouldn't allow him to go further. But he kept trying and Ichigo knew it. Soon, Ichigo knew, he'd planted himself as far as he could go. Slowly he began to pull out, almost to the tip before pushing himself in again. Ichigo let out an ear-piercing scream. He gripped the sheets tightly as his body trembled. "Sorry Ichigo. Just... Don't think about it."

_Easier said than done, asshole! _Ichigo screamed to himself, biting his lip harder, only to feel blood drizzle into his mouth. Renji continued to pull in and out of him. After about ten painful minutes his body began to relax and conform to Renji. Soon all either of them heard was the sound of skin against skin and the embarrassing grunts and moans they made as their bodies became one. But neither of them cared.

There was a brief, soundless, moment before both of them came. As he finished Ichigo collapsed onto the bed, his breathing staggered. Renji came inside him before collapsing on top of him. They were both exhausted.

"Was it worth the wait, Renji?" Ichigo asked, pushing the man off of him so he roll onto his stomach.

"Yeah. It was worth it."

"Good. Anyway, even though I really don't want to, I have to go. I've still got school tomorrow and all."

"You can't stay longer?"

"Only if I can borrow your shower." Ichigo grinner devilishly, an unusual glint in his eyes. Lucky for him Renji got the hint.

"You can use whatever you want, strawberry boy."


	4. Epilogue: The Afterwards

Three short years had passed since that time. But their love was still as strong as ever. Ichigo was stretched out on Renji's couch, snoozing softly, as the afternoon was long and boring. He was eighteen now and he could hardly believe it. It still seemed like a dream that he and Renji were together. It just seemed too unreal, too impossible, to really happen. Of course his boyfriend thought this as well.

Right now that said boyfriend was preparing to head back to Soul Society for a _secret mission_ of his own. The only reason Ichigo knew that he was leaving was that the soft lips brushed softly against his from an upside down position. His eyes fluttered open to find a smirking Renji right in front of his face. Startled he began to sit up only to bonk heads, painfully. "What the hell, Renji?!" He screamed, moving further away to sit up, rubbing his nose where their faces had collided. "Don't do that! Haven't you learned by now?"

He straightened up, looking offended. "Well _excuse_ me, princess."

Ichigo sighed and stood up, placing his hand firmly on Renji's shoulder. "My bad. Anyway. What's up?" Renji's smile returned and Ichigo couldn't help but grin slightly as well.

"I have to return to soul society for a week or so. Until I get done what needs to be done, I can't come back here to the real world. Just thought I'd let you know ahead of time so you didn't freak and invade Seiretei again." They both chuckled as memories from his first visit came flooding back.

"What is it?" Ichigo asked, letting go of Renji's shoulder. It wasn't that he was worried, but since they'd gotten together, he found himself more curious than he used to be. "And how come you can't come back?"

"_Hi-mi-tsu_." Renji smirked before he snuck a peck to Ichigo's cheek, leaving him both blushing and fuming at the same time. "Anyways, I'll see you in a week." He grabbed his keys off the table and Ichigo watched as he shuffled out the door.

Feeling suddenly lost, Ichigo stared for a few minutes at the spot where Renji had been standing before he shrugged and turned around, laying himself back out across the couch. He'd see the guy in a week. There was no need to worry.... Right?

* * *

Back in Seiretei Renji walked with his shoulders held back proudly and a smile on his lips. He was finally going to be able to fulfill his dream of the last three years. _Why does it take humans so long to age?_ He thought. It wasn't a bitter thought but just a thought in general. In reality, he'd always wondered that. On the outside they aged so quickly, changing from day to day. But on the inside they stayed pretty much the same. They didn't officially get older until the day of their birth which only came around once a year. Sure shinigami had this issue but it was still... Different.

As he walked around squad six's barracks he found himself whistling to a tuneless melody. It was pleasant. As he rounded a corner though, he came chest to chest with his captain. Immediately he stepped back and bowed his head, stating firmly, "My apologies, Kuchiki-taichou!"

There was no response but Renji could feel the emotionless eyes on him, observing him like they always did. After a minute of some what awkward silence Byakuya said, "Welcome back, Abarai." There was a questioning tone in his voice and to Renji's surprise, he voiced his curiosity. "Why are you so unusually happy? Did something happen in the real world?"

Although simple, the question made Renji blush to the tip of his ears. Through all the years of being with Ichigo, he'd never once mentioned his relationship to any of the other shinigami. _Especially_ not his captain. There were many things he knew about his captain but at the same time, the things he didn't know, were what scared him. For example he was scared of telling him about having a _boyfriend_ in fear of how he'd react. Being gay, or into guys, wasn't a bad thing but having that thrust upon you suddenly after working together for so many years could still send someone into shock. "W-w-well, ya see taichou I-I-"

"Don't stutter. You sound like an idiot. Spit it out already." Byakuya sounded irritated.

Sighing Renji thought, _No point in lying now._ "Well... you see... I found someone in the real world... You know. Someone special." The older mans eyes raised in slight surprise but he said nothing. He simply waited, expecting Renji to further explain. "God I sound so stupid saying this so I'll just spit it out. Kurosaki Ichigo. He's my boyfriend and I plan on asking him to-"

Byakuya held his hand up, his eyes narrowing. "Kurosaki... Ichigo?" He said the name as though poison was attached to each syllable. Ashamed now, Renji nodded. "The substitute shinigami?" Again the boy nodded. The air around them was tense. "You realize that this is another man you're talking about..." Although it wasn't really a question Renji nodded again. That was all he could do. There was silence. Just as he was about to open his mouth to say something he was stopped. "I don't care as long as this won't affect your fighting skills, or your job. As soon as it does you will either break things up immediately or relinquish your spot as a shinigami of this squad. Or, if it gets bad, as a shinigami of the 13 Protection Squads. Do you understand?"

Bewildered Renji at first did nothing. Then it sunk in. It'd been accepted. By the stingiest of captains. "Arigato gozaimasu, Kuchiki-taichou!" He yelled, bowing practically in half. "You won't regret this!" Feeling even better Renji jogged away, a slight bounce to his usual straight-forward step.

Renji reached his destination quickly, feeling lighter than the world as he knocked heavily on the door. A croaky old voice called, "Step in." With confidence he pushed the doors open and stepped in, bowing his low to the person sitting at the single piece of furniture in the room. "Abarai-fukutaichou what can I do for you?"

"Yamamoto-taichou," Renji straightened up to look the captain commander in the face. "I've come to get permission for something of utmost importance."

A look of puzzlement crossed the mans face before it went blank again. "And what is it that you want to ask permission about? It must be important if you find you need my approval for it."

"Yea sir. It's very, very important."

"Spit it out already. I haven't got all day."

"Sir, I would like to-"

* * *

Ichigo's foot tapped lightly to the beat of the music that played from his iPod. It had been a week already and he was getting antsy. He never realized how hard it was not to see someone's _loved one_ for long periods of time. It had never crossed his mind before. Now he wondered how people dealt with the loneliness they felt when their special person died. It was probably the hardest thing they had to do.

To appease that loneliness though Ichigo had decidedly stayed put in Renji's apartment, sleeping on the couch. Even if he couldn't physically be near him he could at least feel some sort of presence. He'd been waiting all morning now and once more his eyes shifted to look at the ticking clock on the wall. It felt so still. So ominous. The ill feelings had Ichigo slightly on edge. _Maybe I should call home and see if he stopped by there. He probably didn't expect me to stay at his apartment the entire week. It is kind of creepy that I did..._

"No!" He yelled, sitting up and grabbing his hair roughly. "I'm not a freak. This is perfectly normal!"

_Normal? You call this normal you fag?_ A familiar voice popped into his head. One that hadn't appeared in quite awhile. _Maybe you need to get your fucking head checked. Check into a mental institute. _Hichigo laughed wickedly, grinning so wide his face looked like it would split in half.

_Shut up you. You don't have anything to do with this._

Hichigo laughed harder._ King, I have everything in the world to do with this. I don't want to be ruled by someone who get's fucked through the ass. If I wanted that I would've chosen a hot chick. _His cruel yellow eyes stared Ichigo, despite the fact that the orange headed boy couldn't see them unless he closed his eyes.

_Like you really had any choice in who you ended up! _Ichigo growled, slumping into the couch and glaring at the T.V. _And you know you like it you little white skinned freak._

Hichigo stopped smiling and growled. _You wanna go, freak?_

_Anytime._

_Then let's do-_

Hichigo was cut short when there was a click in the lock and the sound of a front door being opened. It swung open and there, standing in the door, was Ichigo's not so knight in shining armor.

"Ichigo?" Renji looked shocked but not offended. "Dude, what are you doing here?"

Ichigo shrugged sheepishly, smiling. "I decided to stay here this week. Hope you don't mind. It's not like I destroyed anything." Renji shook his head. Ichigo watched him as the redhead placed a small bag next to the door before kicking the said door shut with his foot. "So how'd your thing go?" He asked after a brief minute.

Renji shrugged but not in a way that said things could've been better. It was a happy shrug. One that said, who cares? I'm alive aren't I? "Anyway I have some news for you. I want to tell you over dinner okay?" Renji strutted over to his boyfriend and leaned down to kiss, being caught by surprise when he was grabbed around the waist.

"You can't tell me now?" Ichigo asked, cocking one eyebrow and giving him a quizzical look. _God I missed him_.... Watching as Renji shook his head, he began to feel sad. Maybe it was bad news. Maybe he wanted them to break up. Or he'd say that it was all just some whacked experiment.

"No. I have to tell you at dinner. Anyway, before then I want you to go home, shower, and change into something decent, okay? No jeans or t-shirts alright?" Pouting slightly Ichigo nodded before letting go of the firm waist and then watching as that same waist disappeared into the kitchen. "I'll come get you around seven okay?"

"Fine." He huffed, standing. "See you then." He slumped out of the room to the front entrance where he slipped into his shoes and then slipped out the door. The ominous feeling had just grown a whole lot stronger.

As he trekked home, Hichigo made another uninvited visit. _What's the matter king? Get dumped?_

Sighing Ichigo replied irritably,_ No but I might. No thanks to you. Can't you just get lost and stay lost already?_

_No can do, king. I'm you and you're me.... Not that it's pleasant. When did you become such a girl? You can kick serious ass yet you're spendin' all this time worryin' about some stupid break up. Maybe you should just get a sex change and get it over with. You make me sick._

_Shut _up_. You're not making this any better. And just cause I worry once awhile doesn't make me a girl. It just makes me a worrier. _Ichigo scuffed the ground with his foot._ Butt out._

Hichigo laughed again._ The only people who worry are girls. But fine. I'll butt out. Just know that when you get your ass dumped, I'm gonna take my chance and kick it._ He laughed wildly before fading into nothingness. There were times that Ichigo wished he could literally strangle his alter ego. It made him sick to his own stomach thinking about him sometimes.

He arrived home around three and was greeted by his ecstatic younger sisters.

"Onii-chan! Where have you been all week?" Yuzu asked, gripping the front of his t-shirt tightly in her tiny fists.

"Yeah Ichi-nii. You just left us without saying anything besides the fact you'd be gone for a week." Karin stood leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest like she was angry. She probably was knowing her.

"I was at Renji's." Ichigo replied, setting his hand on Yuzu's shoulder. "I thought I told you guys."

Karin glared. "Obviously you didn't. If you were staying at your boyfriend's how come you didn't call at all, huh?" Ichigo crippled under her accusing gaze. "It's not like it's a secret that you're dating him."

Ichigo shrugged, blushing at the fact that even his sister used the word _boyfriend_. Somehow that word was even more embarrassing than lover. Though it was probably because lover could be one gender or the other. _Boyfriend_ was a one-gendered word. "Didn't think of it. Didn't think it mattered."

"You didn't think we weren't going to worry?" Karin continued, straightening. "What were we gonna do if you can home a bloody mess again? You kept us worrying the entire week!" Her voice had risen almost an octave in pitch. Ichigo knew she was probably going to start crying. So he gently plucked Yuzu off himself and moved over to Karin. When he was about half a foot from her, he wrapped her in a tight hug. And she broke. Silently she began to sob, futily trying to wipe away stray tears.

"Sorry. I'll make sure to call if I go away again, okay? You're too old and too strong to cry Karin so wipe those tears away." He wrapped her a little tighter, holding her until her body stopped shaking. "Are you alright?" She nodded but said nothing. "Good. I'm going out tonight with Renji so I've got to get some stuff ready. If you need anything just holler okay? You too Yuzu." They both nodded. "Alright. If dad is here tell him I'm home." His grip on his sister loosened and disappeared before he bounded up the steps. At least comforting his sisters was easy. If they hadn't been life would've been one hell of a roller coaster. (Not that it wasn't already.)

Upstairs he quickly undressed before heading to the shower. Hopefully the warmth of the water would let his worries be washed down the drain.

* * *

Two hours and forty-five minutes later Ichigo tugged anxiously at his dress pants. They felt too confining, like they were trying to suffocate him. His dress shirt choked him and it was hot. He was regretting let his sisters fuss with his hair now. What if he was too formal? Renji hadn't told him how formal he should be. He had simply told him how informal he _couldn't_ be.

"Ichigo, settle down for God's sake!" His dad muttered, gripping his shoulder lightly. "The worlds not gonna end."

_Maybe not for you._ He thought, rolling his eyes. "Thanks dad. Sorry. It's fine. I'm fine." He was trying to convince himself, more than his dad, that he was fine. He was too nervous. He needed to relax.

"Don't worry. There's only ten minutes before he arrives." Clapping him twice on the shoulder, and flashing a smile, Isshin disappeared. Ichigos only support disappeared.

Pacing in the front hall, Ichigo began thinking of all the worse possibilities. There were so many things that could go wrong. So many things that he was unsure of. Three minutes before seven there was a heavy knock at the door that startled Ichigo. He'd been too lost in his own thoughts to register it. The person behind the door had to knock again before Ichigo answered it. When he opened the door, Renji stood there wearing clothes that were, thankfully, about the same level of formal as Ichigo's.

"Yo. Did I keep you waiting?"

_Hell yeah you did! _"No. You're right on time." Ichigo told him, turning to yell down the hall, "See you later dad. Be back whenever." He quickly slipped outside, pulling the door shut behind him. "You don't look like a hippie for once." Ichigo joked, smiling. It seemed to calm his nerves a little. As long as he didn't think about the pending dinner he was fine. But it was hard to not think about it as Renji was very dressed up compared to his usual self. His hair had been pulled back into an actual ponytail, with thin strips of hair being left out to represent some sort of bangs. His "hippie" t-shirt had been discarded and exchanged for a black, striped, button down shirt. The first two buttons were undone, exposing all of his neck. The blue jeans he almost always wore were replaced by a pair of black slacks that covered his feet. The shirt had been tucked in and belt held it all together. His feet were clad in black, round-toed, shoes that pulled the whole outfit together. Although black looked nice on him, it also looked kind of strange because of his shocking red hair.

"And you don't look like a freakin' high school. I could be considered a pedophile for dating you while you were in high school!" Renji exclaimed, exasperated. "I mean I'm only two, maybe three, hundred years older than you."

"Thanks for reminding me that you're going to die long before I do." Ichigo muttered, punching him in the shoulder before he reached up to his own collared shirt to undo two of the buttons. It was less suffocating that way.

Renji chuckled. "Don't mention it."

The reached the restaurant shortly, and Ichigo's mood had picked up a little bit. The ominous cloud above his head had begun to disappear. But the thing that made it all that much better was that Renji had taken him to one of the fancier restaurants in town. In fact it was fancy enough that you had to make reservations _before_ hand. It was intriguing. They were seated as soon as they entered, being brought back to the table furthest back in the corner. It was a tiny, round booth, not big enough for more than three people. The seats were a black plastic of some sort with a sparkle to it. The small table was also round and there was a single candle sitting in the center. In shock, Renji had to gesture to Ichigo to sit before he sat.

Ichigo started to laugh though when he looked at Renji after they were both situated. "Renji." He giggled. "You're blending into the seats!" His giggles turned to a snicker. He held his stomach as his laughter grew more painful and covered his mouth to try and stifle the sound. It was useless. He felt Renji's eyes on him. They felt... Agitated. Quickly he forced himself to stop laughing. "Sorry dude. I d-didn't meant to laugh." When he looked up to meet the older mans eyes he saw irritation that slowly turned to joy. He let out a snort and then began laughing.

"You're such a joke, Ichigo. How the hell am I supposed to respond to you?" He slapped the table and received weary glances from other patrons. "I shouldn't have been mad. It's just how you are." Ichigo stared and then rolled his eyes shrugging. Things would never change.

As Renji's laughter subsided a waitress came with the menu's. After she handed them to the boy's, she stood there staring at them with a goofy look on her face. It quickly became uncomfortable.

"Is there something you need?" Ichigo asked, folding the menu and placing it on the table. "If not could you leave?"

Her eyes got bright and she opened her mouth only to ask, "O.... M... G...! Are you guy's like, dating? You're totally hot. I've never met gays before. So have you done it before? That would be like... Totally hot and totally awesome!"

Their jaws dropped. How could they even _begin_ to respond to that?

"That is _none_ of your business, lady." Renji growled, placing his menu on the table as well.

Her eyes grew brighter. "I totally knew! Oh my God that's like, awesome!"

Renji growled and leaned his head back. "Kid, if you don't get going I'm gonna demand ta see yer manager and you won't like the result." His hands curled into fists on the table. Ichigo, even though he knew it was only going to egg the girl on, reached out and placed his hand on top of them.

Turning to glare at the girl he demanded, "Leave. You're ruining a meal. And get a new waitress. You're not supposed to butt into business that isn't yours." The harshness of his voice seemed to snap the girl out of her trance. Obviously embarrassed, she bowed low and apologized before rushing away. "Chill Renji. She's gone."

Renji let out a sigh to relieve himself. "Smart thinking. How rude could you get?"

"Not much ruder than that."

"Humph. Damn right. Anyway. Let's get deciding." He picked up his menu and Ichigo followed suit, letting go of the slowly untensing hand.

They quickly decided on individual meals. They ordered (with a new waitress) their food. As they ate they chatted about different things, both keeping certain important things to themselves. After dinner was over, Renji let out a long burp before sliding down in his seat.

"Man that was good. You humans certainly know how to eat." He smiled, staring into Ichigo's eyes. It made him blush and turn away.

_God. Just from him smiling I blush. What the hell? _"Yeah? You've got food like this in Soul Society."

"Nah. There ain't nothin' better than this." Renji replied, straightening up a bit.

"Well... Whatever..."

A slightly awkward silence filled the air. Unsure of what to do, Ichigo sat and played with his fingers, looking every where except Renji's face. When the silence became deafening, Ichigo started to speak but was interrupted.

"Renji-"

"Ichigo-"

"You go first!"

"Nah. It's fine. You go."

"Just go Renji! I'm _not_ doing this." Ichigo crossed his arms firmly.

Renji sighed. _Oh well. This is as good of a time as ever. _He slid out of the booth, only to slide in next to Ichigo. After getting comfortable, Renji took the boys left hand in his own and stared at him with a.... Not quite a frown... on his face. His eyes were gentle though so he obviously wasn't angry which made Ichigo a lot less tense. But taking his hand in public was definitely new. He never did that. (Except in move theaters when it was dark.)

"Ichigo, we've been together for three years now right? Well, I can still remember getting together for the first time like it was yesterday. I can still remember getting rejected all those times before you finally said yes. That day, the day you finally accepted it me, was the happiest day in my entire life. It meant the world to me. And, as these years have gone by, we've had our ups and our downs. More downs than ups, but ups all the same. And I want to be able to continue like that forever."

Ichigo felt his eyes welling up with tears. It was rare when he cried and it wasn't a feeling he liked. Especially because it made Renji hesitate. Even though he knew what was coming, Ichigo wanted to, needed to, hear it from this man's lips before he believed it to be true.

"Ichigo, are you alright?"

"Fine." He replied in his usual voice.

"If you say so. Anyway, as I was saying, Ichigo. I want to know if you'll spend your life with me? Whether it be short or long, will you be mine from this day forward? Kurosaki Ichigo, will you _marry me_?"

They couldn't be held in any more. The tears burst like waterfalls from his eyes and a sob escaped his parched throat. "Damn right I will Renji! Who do you take me for, huh?" He watched Renji grin before he yanked his hand away only to wrap Renji in a partial choke hold.

"Dude, let go! You're choking me!" Renji gasped, half joking. He wrapped his arms around Ichigo's waist, pulling him closer. "I ain't got a ring fer ya, but I promise I'll get you one."

"I don't care about a damn ring." Ichigo stated, pulling back. The tears had dried and he had the familiar determined look in his eyes. He looked like a man again. "Why did you wait so long to ask?"

Renji shrugged. "I had to get permission from the higher ups. There are laws in Soul Society about marriages."

"Like what?"

"Two men can't marry for one, but I got special permission for that. And also the fact that a shinigami and someone from the outside aren't allowed to marry."

Ichigo looked confused. "Aren't we breaking both those laws?"

"Weren't you listening? I got permission for us from Yamamoto-taichou. And as for that other law, as far as the thirteen protection squads are concerned, you're a full fledged shinigami."

Ichigo pulled away from Renji. "That's a lie. I'm a substitute." Renji tried to protest but Ichigo stopped him. "But we're not gonna argue about it tonight. Tonight is a night of celebration. Have you decided on a date, yet?"

"Yeah. August first."

Ichigo's eyes widened. "That's only a month from now!"

"Yeah. I know."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Ichigo grinned. "Well. What's done is done."

"Yup." Renji leaned in and captured Ichigo in a soft kiss. "Yer not gonna regret this tomorrow mornin' are ya? I don't think I could handle being rejected a fourth time by the same person."

"I might and I might not. Let tomorrow morning decide. And later tonight." Ichigo kissed him again, but harder. "I think we should... You know. Leave."

"Yeah. I think we should, too." Renji left the money on the table before taking Ichigo by the hand and leading him out the door. Finally he was content. Life was great. And there was only one last thing left to do before it was complete.

* * *

_Exactly One Month Later_

_August 1, 20XX_

Ichigo paced in his waiting room, his white tux feeling too tight. He was so nervous. He was only eighteen. He could wait a couple years, right? _No! I've got to strike while the iron is hot. If I don't do this now, I may never have another chance. _He ruffled his hair and took deep breaths to steady himself.

A few minutes later Orihime poked her head around the door, smiling. "Kurosaki-kun. It's time!" Her smile glistened as she held out her hand for him to take. Before he took it, he wiped his sweaty palm on his pants. This was no time to feel jittery. "You look wonderful." She whispered, guiding him to the doors of the church. "You'll do fine." When they'd reached the doors, she squeezed his hand once before letting go. She took a basket of flowers from someone to the left of the door and nodded at the organist.

The wedding march began to play. Ichigo took a deep breath, and took the first step towards his new life.

_FIN_


End file.
